its been to long...

its been a while since i've written. a lot has happened. but its also just been the typical day to day stuff, just a lot of time has passed.

i wish i knew what i was going to say, or what my emotions were trying to tell me. So I guess I'll just try to start some where...

a lot has been going through my mind today. its been a good day, the sun was shining, my classes went well, and it was a good day with friends. I even helped a friend out when she locked her keys in her running car. But still in the back of my mind i kept thinking about what this week was like, last year; and all of the events to follow. Last year was hard. it was a time in my life when i really didn't have the personal relationship with Christ like i do now. so it was easy to get wrapped up into things that didn't matter. I would ever react way to easily, i would let the littlest of things bother me, and decisions based on what i want not what the Lord has planned for me. I have had some hard days and some easy days. Days where I wonder what it would be like, and days where I'm so thankful its not even close. I know that it has all worked out accordingly to Gods plan, and for that I am thankful. But I can't help to wonder what it would be like, I can't help to in some way miss it. There were some days I wouldn't trade for the world. The feelings, the dreams - they were great; but they weren't realistic. And most importantly they weren't according to God's plan. Thats where it always gets me...God's plan works, mine does not. I am so tired of failing, and falling short...I can't do anything else but give it all to the Lord. Time after time i try making my own ways, my own plans, my own dreams....and time after time my plans fail, and don't come through. But to my surprise (which it should not surprise me) God's plan always succeeds. I wrote down in my journal during bible study last night: Do you believe God is faithful in what he says he will do? or do you think He is a liar?

how intense is that? like really, even the thought of calling God a liar just makes me sick. but then as i think about it, how many times do my actions show that? how many times do i try to take control, when He clearly says "give it all to me I will take care of it!"

thats very hard to swallow for me...because i dont' want to keep trying to take control of my life,i want God to be in charge, ALL the time.

i want His plan, because it won't fail!

a lot more to talk about, but not for now. but until then I pray...

the Lord will show you His perfect plan for you, and that you just willingly give it all to Him; and let Him have it ALL!

In Him,

Emiley